The ramblings of a mom with a sick baby

Once in a while, those moments come up where you’re tested; where you really see what you’re made of as a person, or in this case, as a mom.

As I mentioned in this post, A has been sick. It all began last Thursday night, with a tight, nasty cough, loads of congestion and poor sleep for everyone involved. It continued into the weekend with high fevers,  loads of eye goop, never-ending mucus, general misery, lack of appetite and after one additional sleepless night, a few days where naps and sleep took over with very rare waking moments. And now here we are- it’s almost the end of the week and A is finally starting to feel better (though she’s still not truly there, yet). Thank goodness that my parents have been around to save us all week long!

I don’t know when it happened exactly. It was likely somewhere between A waking after sleeping for a whopping 15 hours straight (!!) on Sunday morning with her eyes crusted shut from the build up of eye goop, and her face covered in dried mucus and her blatant refusal to eat anything put in front of her, that my heart cracked and broke into a million pieces.

The ramblings of a mom with a sick baby | The Life Jolie

That face tho. How naive I was when I posted this photo on my Instagram– I actually though she was getting better at this point (Saturday).

I always thought that my heart wouldn’t be prepared for the overwhelming amount of happiness and love that comes with having kids (spoiler alert- it absolutely was and I’m counting the moments until Baby Bubbles gets here so that I get to feel it twofold). What I couldn’t bring my mind to imagine was the idea of preparing my heart for the way it would absolutely shatter over being helpless against my sweet baby feeling terrible. I simply was not prepared.

I don’t know if it’s the insane amount of pregnancy hormones coursing through me at this juncture, or if it’s the fact that it’s our first experience in the trenches of our child’s illness. Sure, we had our impromptu emergency room visit, which you’d think would have been worse than this, but in truth I think I was just very numb that night and A showed a huge difference in how she was feeling the very next day. Outside of that, the only time A was sick beyond the usual daycare sniffles was the hand foot and mouth debacle in the summer and she had a very light case of that (while J was the one who was hit extremely hard by it!).

This illness is seemingly endless. While her fever broke on Sunday (only to return once again on Monday and finally cease late Tuesday) A just cannot seem to kick this thing. We’ve had two doctors appointments (with our regular practice and the local urgent care) and both times they said it was some sort of upper respiratory-thing. The second appointment, they also added teething (molars, no less) and conjunctivitis to A’s roster (although there is not even a spot of pink in A’s eyes…and the gunk has finally died down).

I probably sound like such a big baby here. I mean who am I to complain? There are parents out there who’s precious Littles are dealing with much scarier, more dangerous illnesses. Not to mention the brave NICU parents who are often forced to leave the hospital without their baby and wait by their phones for the call they dread in the moment that they can’t be at the hospital. These scenarios are all too prevalent and I know how blessed we are to be in a position that isn’t as dire.

Still, I cannot escape the helpless feeling of seeing my sweet girl in such discomfort and not being able to do much of anything to fix it. It’s the heavier side of love.

The logical part of my brain tells me that this is totally normal. The trade off of getting to feel the immense joy and love that only your child can bring to your world, is that heavy love which weighs on your heart in the challenging moments.

The ramblings of a mom with a sick baby | The Life Jolie

Finally eating a little more on Wednesday morning.

Needless to say it’s been a long week. With A finally making her way out of the fog, she brings with her a few tantrums per day. Part of me wonders if this is just a phase we’re entering. I’m also concerned that this may have traveled into her ears and her tantrums are a result of the combo platter of incoming molars, ear discomfort and the leftovers of the toughest parts of her illness. A is headed into another doctor’s appointment today, just to make sure we’re on the up-and-up.

In the meantime, I’m working on toughening up. After all, my kids will get sick just as all kids will get sick. Part of me feels like I’m failing at my job as her mom because I can’t keep it together over a nasty cold. I need to sack up! If not anything else, I got a little extra snuggle time with my favorite gal and Baby Bubbles seemed to enjoy these snuggles too, judging by the dance party that occurred when A was sleeping on me.

So Mamas- does it get any easier? Am I just being crazy and hormonal (it’s ok, you can be honest, I won’t be offended)?

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10 Comments

  • Reply
    Carla
    October 15, 2015 at 10:37 am

    The fact that you care so much is just a testament to how great of a mama you are. It is so hard to see your babies sick. I use to hear my mom say, “I wish I was sick instead of you.” I totally get that now. I would so much rather go through it than watch my baby go through it. It will get easier as you learn more ‘signals’ of whats wrong, but truthfully it never gets easy.

    So about 2 years ago I got really sick of having to pay for doctor visit after doctor visit just to have them say they aren’t sure, or its a virus, or come back in a few days and watch it….but here is an antibiotic. I really felt helpless. I HATED HATED HATED IT. So, we still go to our doctor. I’ve been to the ER numerous times to rule out scary diagnosis that I just have to make sure aren’t an option…..BUT we now go much less often. I feel in control of my daughter’s health or at least that I am always able to help. I’ve spent two years learning about essential oils and how they can not only support health but boost immune system response….in a safe no threat way. So, we’ve had numerous 2am ear infections, fevers, weird rashes….you name it that I totally plan on having a doctor check out the next day…but by the time I call the symptoms have almost disappeared. We have seen so many things Andy and I can’t keep quiet about these oils. I’d love to tell you more if you are interested….but as a mama I feel so empowered and not so helpless anymore.

    Love what a great mama you are. Wish I could make the cousin dinner 🙁 Talk to you soon!

    • Reply
      Jessy
      October 15, 2015 at 11:44 am

      Thank you- It’s nice to hear I’m not the only one! That’s one of the things I love about our practice- they will give antibiotics if it’s truly necessary, but they don’t just give them for the sake of giving them. We didn’t get any antibiotics for the cold portion of what she has going on, the only thing we got from urgent care on Sunday was the eye drops which have helped tremendously.

  • Reply
    Cole
    October 15, 2015 at 11:57 am

    No matter how much my daughter continues to grow, it always breaks my heart when she’s ill or gets hurt. It can be difficult to see your child in pain or discomfort. Wishing you guys the best!
    Cole recently posted…How to Start Freelance Writing: A Beginner’s GuideMy Profile

    • Reply
      Jessy
      October 18, 2015 at 7:52 am

      I totally get it, even moreso now! It really can be difficult. I’d imagine in some ways it’s worse when they’re older because they’re more independent! Thank you 🙂

  • Reply
    Lakisha
    October 15, 2015 at 12:45 pm

    Your daughter is adorable. I do not have any children but when my sister went away on vacation and I was babysitting my niece, and she got a cold. It was the worst feeling for me, I wished I could take the pain from her. So I cannot even imagine what it must be like for you. You daughter is very lucky to have such a awesome mom who cares so much. Best of luck

    • Reply
      Jessy
      October 18, 2015 at 7:50 am

      Thank you! That must have been so hard for you! I don’t think the feeling is exclusive to mothers (as you found out first hand!). I can’t imagine what it must have been like. If I was watching one of our nephews before A came along and they had been sick, I hate to admit, I would have been a nervous wreck. It sounds like you handled it beautifully. She’s lucky to have an Aunt who stepped right up to bat!

  • Reply
    Healing Mama
    October 15, 2015 at 3:39 pm

    You don’t sound like a baby. You sound like most mom’s do when their kids are sick. I’m happy A is doing better!
    Healing Mama recently posted…My Postpartum BodyMy Profile

    • Reply
      Jessy
      October 18, 2015 at 7:48 am

      Thank you- she is finally getting back to her old self 🙂

  • Reply
    Alyssa
    October 15, 2015 at 7:48 pm

    Aw, you are such a great mom and A is lucky to have someone who cares so deeply for her! Lots of someones, of course, but I’m only referring to the blog writer right now. That must have been so hard to go through. I can’t comment on whether it gets easier, we’ve been very lucky and only seen mild illnesses that didn’t seem to leave him too miserable. KNOCK ON WOOD. I really hope she’s on the mend for real! Thank goodness your parents were able to help out. It’s awful when you have to go to work with a sick baby :(. Or being home with a sick baby worried about work.
    Alyssa recently posted…Doing the bare minimum, and a few other fun thingsMy Profile

    • Reply
      Jessy
      October 18, 2015 at 7:47 am

      Thank you for the kind words- we are so lucky to have both set of parents. A hit the jackpot when it comes to grandparents and for us it’s really great to be able to call on any of our parents to watch her and feel totally secure and comfortable knowing that all four of them give her the best possible care when she’s with them. I hated being at work with her sick but we all got through it!

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